And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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