I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize