Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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