SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
