dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize