i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
