So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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