soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
