Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
