btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
