Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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