I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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