I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
