I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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