You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize