If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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