I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Mom said you looked used
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
