I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
