Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
