Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He told me they were just razor bumps!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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