So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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