My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
