I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
