my phone cant type all the emotion im having
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize