Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
