You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
