This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
