The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
