I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
