Ambien. No doubt about it.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize