He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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