I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just want nice things and good sex
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
