Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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