it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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