I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
