you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize