just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
