i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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