I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
