he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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