Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
