the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
