if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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