we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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