he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
