awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
