community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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