Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
