I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
