I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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