So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
