she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
