never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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