so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
