I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You smell like stripper and shame
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
