One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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