there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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