Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize