Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
