If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
