he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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