Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he fucked my hip out of place.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
