Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
