My sheets look like a crime scene.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
