Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
