So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
