so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
