Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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