i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
