The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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